Gifts

On Christmas, I received a journal. At the bottom of each page is a personalized Bible verse. Here are my first few entries --
Dec 31,2011: "And I pray that you, Marjan, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high is the love of Christ for you." - Trying to grasp the love of Christ, my math mind imagines 3 infinite planes intersecting in a single point: 3-dimensional infinite space. An image of the triune-ness of God enters the recesses of my mind - how wide? how long? how high? Why these choices of measurement instead of "how much?" Why is power needed to grasp this deep awareness of Christ's love for me? "Rooted and established" reminds me of the majestic tree that I can see out of my back window. There is a solidity, a power, and almost a quiet confidence that exudes from that tree. Nothing much fazes that tree, because it is firmly established - it withstands periods of storm, drought, and heat and flourishes in times of God's nourishment. Lord, I want to be rooted and established like that tree and I pray for the power to grasp the inifinite love of Christ.
Jan 1, 2012: "Marjan, blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God." - Purity, pure in heart, I immediately have a mental picture of a newborn child. There is a newness, an innocence that draws people and melts hearts. Yet even a newborn is born under condemnation. Only God can create a pure heart. I'm reminded of psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." David wanted to be in right relationship with God - he wanted to see God and live in communion with Him. There are so many songs that are popping into my head right now - such gifts of the Holy Spirit. Phrases like: ...I want to see You.../...create in me a clean heart, O Lord, my God, and renew a right spirit within me.../...more of You.../and (strangely) Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, O what a foretaste of glory divine.../ ... now we see through a glass dimly, but then we will see him face to face." All glory and honor and praise to You, o Lord, for your indescribable gift. I am blessed!
Jan 2, 2012: "Marjan, seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." - the Kingdom of God is mentioned 40 times in the Bible. I've sung the song: seek ye first.., I've read the scriptures - but when confronted with this journal entry, my first thought was, "what is the Kingdom of God? - a place? a person? a new life? or perhaps a combination of all three?" Seek first God's glory... heaven is filled with God's glory, Christ will come 'in glory'. First, before anything else - priority - what has priority in my life? is it seeking the Glory of God? Can I say that nothing else takes precedence - nothing else matters? I want to see Jesus glorified above all else, so how does that make my life different? I desire for my children and grandchildren "to the 3rd and 4th generation" to know God, to live for Him, to walk with Him as He leads them - for the Glory of His Name. Ps 22:30-31: "posterity will serve Him, future generations will be told about the Lord. They will proclaim His righteousness to a people yet unborn - for He has done it." Lord God, your kingdom and righteousness you have given me as a gift in my heart - may I live out your gift to Your Glory.
Jan 3, 2012: "My grace is sufficient for you, Marjan, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." - God's grace - songs race through my mind: grace greater than all my sin.../...your grace is enough, your grace is enough... The reminder that God's grace is sufficient brings me quietness, a deep serenity and joy. My mind was racing this morning, even before I was due to wake up, with all that needed to be accomplished today, this week, this month, this year. An almost overwhelming panic and sense of failure filled me...until I was reminded that God's grace is sufficient. Nothing in this world is as important as my relationship with God - my Father, my Lord, my Savior, my Healer, my Provider, my Comforter, my Protector, my Redeemer, my Friend, my KING! His grace - His strength - His plans - His guidance - His will - His love is all that I need, sufficient, perfect. Thank God for his indescribable gift!! song: all I need is You...
Jan 4, 2012: "Be still, Marjan, and know that I am God..." - This is my life verse - and there is an immediate joy that wells up inside of me when I read it. So often God's Spirit brings me back to this verse. Sometimes it is to stop me in my tracks when I'm frazzled and have become self-consumed. At these times, the voice is loud and persistent. I will hear 2-3 different songs on the radio about this verse, it will be part of my devotional reading and so on. At other times, it is to comfort me - to assure me that God is always in control, that He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and ever-present. During these times, the voice is calm - almost a whisper - and brings me a deep sense of peace. Then there are times like these when the sight of the verse is like a wonderful surprise, such joy these words bring - reminders of His love for me. He won't ever let me go - He will use this verse to remind me always. Song: "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine, O what a foretaste of glory divine...
Each page in this journal is such a gift to me. I'm looking forward to what words God has for me this year.....

Reflections

Several months ago, I was struck by a section of scripture that I have read many times in my life.
Matthew 5:13ff, "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put is on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."
In an earlier blog, I wrote how God has been impressing on me the importance of each word in His Word. The same held true in this instance. You are the salt of the earth. It doesn't say, "you can be" or "you will be some day" or "you need to be" - no it simply says, "you ARE the salt of the earth." In the past, I've heard many speakers talk about the importance of salt - as a preservative and as a flavor enhancer, but I don't recall any speaker ever focusing on the word ARE. Tonight, after months of the Spirit bringing this verse to my mind over and over, Pastor David spoke on the book of Malachi. He spoke about the importance of living a life of integrity before God and man, "our lips and life should match." He spoke about the problems in this world and the many people all around us who do not choose Christ. Then David said, "maybe the fault is in the salt." BAM!! There I was back at Matthew 5.
You ARE the salt of the earth... So what does that mean? What is it that God is trying to reveal to me in His Word? Each individual word seems so simple. When I think about salt, it strikes me that it is not the presence of salt, but the absence of salt that is usually noticed first. Food becomes unpalatable or even rotten in the absence of salt. Salt is not the main ingredient - but its absence changes everything. What an awesome responsibility we have Lord! ARE - a statement of fact, a command or, perhaps, a confirmation of my purpose? ARE - present tense; in the now; in this moment I am salt.
Do I realize that I am salt every moment of every day? How does that thought affect my daily actions and interactions? Father, I confess that I miss my students. How much I loved them, Lord. How much I wanted to give of my life to them. Did they know? Father, I confess that I wonder at your purposes for me in this moment of my life - forgive me Lord for forgetting that I am salt in every environment you place me and in the midst of every circumstance. Help me Father to live out your unique purpose for me each day with joy and anticipation. Pastor David was right - the fault is in the salt. Thank you for loving me so much.

His Sweet Reminders

Today I was surprised by "catastrophy". A year's worth of my work - including reports, data, technology inventory, lesson plans, activities, projects, assessments, and research was lost. The immediate panic that set in robbed me of the ability to think and put my emotions in high gear. I tried to remain composed for the good of those around me, but was almost paralyzed in trying to fight back. Going through the motions at work, I prayed for sanity. As soon as I was able to be alone went before His throne, "really God, is it possible that I can fall apart this quickly? - forgive me Father for my sheer despair, forgive me for my meltdown, help me to focus on what lasts. Then the pictures started coming - God's precious gift of life: Anna Rae - my new granddaughter. God's first sweet reminder - thank you Father for holding me up with sweet reminders. The next blessing was a sweet lunch with my sister Joanne - Father how you've blessed me. The third sweet reminder came on my drive home - a call from D'Andre, my 8-year-old grandson. "Hi, Oma, I love you." "I love you too Dre, are you calling just to talk?" "No, I heard you had a very bad day today - I just wanted to tell you I love you, you want to tell me what happened?" Father, Father, my heart cried out - how sweet your reminders, my cup runneth over. Lord God, you are so personal - I thank you for loving me so much. These are the moments of grace that are so sweet to me, that strengthen my faith and humble me at the same time. These are the moments when the old hymns of faith rush back into my mind: "Great is thy Faithfulness, O God my Father; there is no shadow of turning with Thee; Thou changest not, thy compassions they fail not; as Thou has been thou forever wilt be..."

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Psalm 46:10 is a verse that God has brought me back to over and over again during the last 37 years, but it wasn't until just a few months ago that I noticed the comma. For 37 years, I read the verse as "be still and know" as if the two could somehow be done simultaneously. In the busyness that is me, multi-tasking seems normal - but I've now been confronted with the comma. A comma calls for a pause, signals a sequential occurance, or even a progression in thought. God is teaching me that every minute part of scripture is purposeful and wrought with meaning. First: be still - forget the todo's, the worries, and the unfinished tasks; ignore the world's clamor, the tube, the music and the phone; stop the hurried pace and the 100 mph racing of the mind. BE STILL - a command or the soft-spoken whisper? More and more it seems to me that my Father is holding me in His arms and whispering "shhh now my child, be still." Second: and know - be fully aware, understand, comprehend to the level of application. What does it mean to KNOW God? Do I live with the full realization of God's Holiness? Do I live out a life of awe at the immensity of who God is? The faith of a child seems to be so much closer to this KNOW - the child who says, "God is soooooo big, He is bigger than anything!" Am I fully aware? Do I really understand? ... or have I oversimplified my God? God, in His mercy, calls me to be still, and know... - to show me again that He is holy, awesome, mighty, righteous, all-powerful, glorious, unchangeable, unfathomable... Shhhhh, He whispers - BE STILL now my child, now let me remind you again of who I AM. I AM He who said, "have no other gods before me." I AM He who said, "come to me all who labor." I AM He who formed you. I AM He who bought you with blood. I AM He who is doing a mighty work in you. I AM He who loves you. No, He is not someone you mess with or oversimplify. He is the one who spoke the universe into existence and retains full control. Yes, He's got the whole world in His hands, but as for me? He's my daddy, I'm His child. He holds me in His mighty and safe arms - and that simply blows my mind!